The Rapid Log · 02
It finally happened — after a lovely, long stretch of good health, our household fell ill.
(Thankfully nothing too major, and I’m not complaining; in fact, I’m constantly grateful for the health and wellbeing of our family.)
Of course, we got sick right at the beginning of December, which was already full of creative, holiday, and client projects. (More to be grateful for this season!) So a little strategic reprioritization was in order. For me, this posed an interesting challenge… and opened a golden opportunity for growth.
I’m not sure exactly when or how I developed it (although I do have a pretty good guess, perhaps a story for another day), but I have a deeply ingrained habit of anxious overworking, and it kicks into overdrive when we get sick.
Hi, I’m Elida, and I don’t miss deadlines.
(Just for context, some of my most favourite humans are also accountants — and they don’t miss deadlines, either. They also seem to have something against proper sleep. They’ve slept under their desks, emailed me about work at 4am, or foregone sleep altogether with a 36-hour working sprint to make sure deadlines were met. I’ve had to accept that I can’t hold myself to the same standards.)
But this propensity to hold deadlines sacred clearly affects my body — my physical one, and my body of work.
As I’ve alluded but perhaps not written outwrite, I recently resigned from my career in public practice accounting in pursuit of work that feels more aligned and manageable with a young family. It’s been just over four months since then, and I’ve been working on what I can only describe as resetting my nervous system.
Or, put more casually: I’ve been experimenting with chilling right out.
It’s taken time and practice, but experimenting has been key. No hardline commitment to “balance”, no dramatic restructuring of my daily life — just trying stuff and seeing what happens.
In my last newsletter, I mentioned that rather than pushing myself to keep a consistent pace, I’ve been experimenting by flowing with where the energy takes me. The result? More time resting and less time wheel-spinning over my writing…
Yet somehow, even with more rest time, I ended up being more prolific, and my writing felt more meaningful. Whoa.
That was when I was well, though, and I had a safety net. I knew that if I really had to pull up my boots and get to work, I could do it. (I did end up needing to switch into high gear — and I’m happy to report it all worked out!)
Carrying that mindset into the realm of illnesses is another matter. You don’t know how long you and your family will be out for, so it’s hard to have a plan (and my plan is my comfort blanket). And if push came to shove… Could I push through the aches and the tiredness and the brain fog? I’m not sure that I could — not for creative work, anyway!
Rather than succumbing to the growing anxiety, I decided it was time to explore the next level of my previous experiment.
What would happen if I didn’t pressure myself to hop back on the computer to work at every chance? What if I just relaxed into this cold and flu season? What if I allowed my body to recover fully? What if I snuggled up with my kids and enjoyed the peace and quiet?
What if it all works out?
Honestly, I think it did. Am I a bit behind where I’d like to be right now? Sure. But I’m also a mere human, full of imperfection, susceptible to illness. I’m trusting that if I let myself be sick when I’m sick, I’ll come back more than ready to go, and I’ll be able to make up for lost time.
As for my deadlines… I’ll either do it, or I’ll pivot. You know, like a human.
Where to next?
More life updates and creative asides in The Rapid Log Archives.
I write a monthly letter that I call kindling for your creative spark, if you’d like a little creative encouragement for your inbox.
