What is work-life balance, exactly? And how do you achieve it?
Usually you’ll come up with one of two answers: either a prescriptive map of what work-life balance should look like (complete with pie-charts and activity checklists), or more likely these days…
“Work-life balance is a myth.” It doesn’t exist.
There’s a collective sigh of relief.
But I heartily disagree! Why?
I refuse to believe that we humans are destined to spend over forty years of our lives imbalanced and unhappy.
Don’t get me wrong, many do (and it takes a toll on our health and wellbeing – individually and collectively).
I think there is a way to find a balance that is personal and unique to you. Don’t give up just yet!
(Socioeconomic strife aside…)
Where We Went Wrong With “Work-Life Balance”
The relief we feel when we hear that work-life balance doesn’t exist is very telling. It leads me to think that work-life balance took on myth-status because it takes the responsibility of finding balance off of us as individuals.
It’s just impossible, so why bother trying?
We’re all exhausted and stretched – that’s the point! The last thing we need is another unattainable standard to reach for.
One aspect that makes “work-life balance” unattainable is when we start dissecting the hours of the week and assigning activities to them.
For five days per week, you work 8 hours and sleep 8 hours. Maybe you commute 2 hours round-trip, so that’s 6 hours left for you plus the hours on the weekends. Then you chip away at those hours with chores that feel like work and other obligations and responsibilities that don’t constitute “down-time”. Now we have a mathematical imbalance. Never mind the jobs where you have to work overtime, or you check your work phone after hours, or you’re ruminating in the shower over a problem you have to solve for Monday…
Here’s the thing – “work-life balance” is a myth only because of how we defined it:
- By “balancing” the number of hours spent working and resting
- As a rigid weekly schedule, creating the “meal prep” of workweeks
- With the perfect split of household responsibilities
- By ensuring everyone is content and even-keel at all times
It’s an impossible, inflexible standard that doesn’t fit into a reality that ebbs and flows.
The good news? At the end of the day, it’s just semantics.
What Should “Work-Life Balance” Really Look Like?
Work-life balance DOES exist. And you can achieve it.
No need to sell your home, to cut out your evening Netflix, or to quit your traditionally high-stress job (unless these would be authentic moves for you)!
You can create work-life balance with a bit of a mental shift, healthy boundaries, and some reprioritization.
Sounds too easy to be effective? Don’t be fooled – it is simple, but it’s not easy. If it were, there wouldn’t be so many of us concluding it must be a myth!
A popular reframe is “work-life integration”. That’s an option, but I think it diminishes the importance of healthy boundaries that keep you feeling balanced.
Work-life balance is about being aware of what an equilibrium would feel like for us, and then constantly adapting to swing towards it. It’s about noticing when we’re feeling progressively more out of alignment, and then taking action to bring ourselves back.
You need to have a satisfying balance of autonomy, fulfillment and satisfaction, and authenticity in your daily (or weekly) life. These can come from your day-job or your life after hours. Typically it’s a combination of both, and when one is lacking, you’ll aim to compensate in the other. (More on this in the post How to Find Your Unique Work-Life Balance.)
If it’s working, you’ll get the sense of ease and a bit of harmony met by a bit of manageable challenge and supported, growth-inducing frustration. A bit of calm will be met with a bit of action. You’ll get that feeling of care and of being well-rested most of the time, and the feeling of calm confidence in caring for others as well. You’ll sense the freedom of experiencing little sprinkles of joy and maybe having a bit of a cry, but all of it in balance, all of it manageable, and all of it having just enough space in your life.
Simple. Not easy.
Work-life balance is fluid, not rigid, and it requires introspection! If you’re ready to do the work, check out: Create a Work-Life Balance Unique to You (6 Introspective Steps). This post walks you though the process of finding a balance that works for you.
