The original draft for this post was written just after I launched the blog. (It was twice the length, go figure!) I didn’t bother publishing it because… I love irony. I’ve grown in my perspectives since then and my writing style has changed, but I still like this story. It is essentially one accountant’s take on Elizabeth Gilbert’s Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear, which has been instrumental to my growth as evidenced by the numerous references to this book on the blog. May these playful insights quell your Fear and support your journey!
I launched the Debit This, Create That blog and Instagram together over a year ago. I was at a beginner-ish level in my crafts, but felt the desire to share anyways because I wanted to contribute somehow… Maybe by showing up to encourage other beginners to begin, or maybe just by showing up in general, as a practice in authenticity. The trouble is that the web is filled with near-perfection and amazing work. I’m not complaining, I get it! It’s just not easy to be in the earlier stages of learning and still feel like you have the right to show up.
I did it anyways because it was important to me, although as I admitted to my closest companions, I was frightened to publish my stuff half the time.
Literally half the time, if I really thought about it! I realized that I’ve got three major voices in here trying to steer the ship on this creative voyage. They are:
- 50% Fear: This is stupid – we should pack it in and pretend like it never happened.
- 30% Logic: This is scary – but heck, let’s do it anyways. What’s the harm in trying something new?
- 20% Inner Creative: This is awesome – I can’t wait to share more creations!
You could say that’s the ownership structure of my mental corporation. (You probably wouldn’t, but I won’t hold that against you.)
Check out that share structure, though! If you are looking to go on a creative journey, if you’re looking for new experiences, new connections, and to explore places unknown, giving fear that much of a vote in your journey is not going to cut it.
A bit of restructuring is in order! But first…
The problem with giving Fear 50% of the votes
Fear runs a tight ship. It helps to make sure nothing bad happens to the crew by taking preventative measures. And what’s the safest place for the ship and crew to be? Probably the dock, not going anywhere. (Disclaimer: Not a sailor.)
So when the Inner Creative gets an idea for a super exciting brand-new adventure to go on, it calls a meeting and gushes enthusiastically about where it thinks we should go next… But it only has 20% of the vote. If the voice of Logic doesn’t weigh in with its 30% influence, then we all have to suffer through Fear spouting endlessly on about what could go wrong and whatever unpleasantness (however insignificant) might arise if we set out chasing this big idea.
Nothing happens. We aren’t certain enough to shut the door on that idea and create space for a new one. Instead, we stay stuck in limbo with an endless stream of fears reminding us why we shouldn’t do it, and yet we continue to catch that glimmer of possibility, at which point the cycle repeats.
Logic is often thought of as stifling creativity, but it actually has an important role at the table! If Logic decides that Fear raises some legitimate points, the project door slams shut (with reason) and we can all move on. But occasionally, it catches on that Fear is just making stuff up (as it tends to do), and when that happens, Logic and the Inner Creative can combine their votes to come up with an inspired and informed course of action!
If you’re doing the math, at 50/50, we still don’t have a majority vote. Fortunately, we’ve incorporated some special provisions into this metaphoric shareholders’ agreement which imbue the creative duo with the power of the final say.
The provision: A firm resolve to embrace a creative life!
Which voice actually knows what it’s talking about?
Which one is really you?
Say I had the idea to play the violin… Is that me? Then Fear kicks in (you’re too old to learn, you’re too busy with other things to take lessons, you’ll embarrass yourself). Is that me, with all the “legitimate” concerns? Now I’m confused; I thought I had a great idea, but now I don’t. Did I “wise up”, or am I just scared? Should I be scared?
(I did learn to play the violin between accounting designations, by the way. No regrets!)
It seems silly in hindsight, but I used to struggle with which voice to listen to; or more specifically, which one was “really me”. I’ve come to the conclusion that they’re all me, but Fear is simply not fit to run the show because most of the time, it just likes to hear itself talk.
And it is very loud.
To see beyond the loud, anxious voice of Fear, it’s helpful to discover its origin story and the tactics that it employs to keep you stuck safe (once again I defer to Big Magic for a great primer on this). With some care and attention, you’ll be able to see that some fears are legitimate, but others are illogical and hold you back from living your best creative life. (I hope to elaborate on this in the future!)
To be fair, although this blog is all about embracing the Inner Creative, the reality is sometimes it has some outlandish ideas. It dreams big, and so it should! That’s why Logic is important, too: the Inner Creative dreams, and Logic helps bring those dreams into reality. It also helps to avoid mistakes that could have serious implications! (Quitting your job without a plan or a runway, for example.)
There is not one voice that alone knows what it’s talking about. They must all come to the table and collaborate.
Meeting minutes
Fear, Logic, and the Inner Creative are present for all of our meetings to discuss creative direction.
We held these little shareholders’ meetings about this blog for over eight years before it finally launched. (Or perhaps it was just one epically long meeting.)
Why?
Fear put on a grand show with PowerPoint slides and charts and graphs and… Most of it was made up, exaggerated, or otherwise lacking in logic. It created impossible roadmaps and unreasonable expectations. It kept us stuck without a creative outlet that we were passionate about (aside from bullet journaling perhaps, the runway to my own creative journey and a topic for another day).
Launching a blog, sharing some artwork – it’s just not as serious as it was built up to be, and honestly as most creators will tell you, it goes largely unnoticed.
What would have happened had we just started eight years ago?
I mean, on the one hand my views have shifted and grown since then, so I’d have a lot of outdated work on here. Is that really an issue, though? Especially for a topic as benign as creativity – to grow and evolve our perspectives is a normal, human thing to do, and there’s a lot of value in sharing our humanity with one another.
On the other hand, I’d have eight more years of writing experience under my belt, and all that time to discover and reinforce my voice. I’ve heard it before, and it totally rings true: the best time to start was years ago. The second best time is now!
If you’re tentatively starting out, if you’re toying with “doing the brave thing” but you’re met with a lot of resistance, resolve to lead a creative life and explore your creativity, whatever that means to you. Prioritize listening to the Inner Creative, and make sure to invite Logic to the conversation before the Fear kicks in.
If you’ve been on the journey for some time, and you’re tired of the constant back-and-forth, it’s time – decide today to restructure. Make a motion to reallocate a few of the shares of your mental corporation from Fear to your Inner Creative.
Motion seconded by Logic.
Carried!
