I’ve been trying to find an eloquent way to explain this feeling of “pent-up creative energy”. It’s like an internal restlessness, or a drive to make stuff but without a vision. For a while I couldn’t put my finger on where it came from or how to move it along. (This is partly why I started the blog!)
As it happened, I was pondering this around the same time that I was reading Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert. In it, she says: “Possessing a creative mind, after all, is something like having a border collie for a pet; it needs to work, or else it will cause you an outrageous amount of trouble.”
Yes! This explains the feeling so well!
It was a timely metaphor, and one that I could actually work with. After all, I’d had the pleasure of sharing a home with a big, energetic border collie some time ago. (That sweet boy is the mascot for this post!) From that experience, I’d learned a thing or two about redirecting and releasing boundless energy. Boy, does it take a lot of work and dedication!
Of course, just like for our border collie buddy, there’s no greater work than that of play.
Chewing Up the Furniture: the destructive path of unchanneled creative energy
Once upon a time, a much younger me was a somewhat prolific creative. Fairly fearless, and with all the audacity you could ask for in the land of the arts. I had set all of that aside once I’d decided on my career path, though.
Without an outlet, what would become of all that unchanneled creative energy?
Well, it all poured into the one thing I was making space for: my career! It was as though the creative collie had said “fine, if you won’t play with me after hours, at LEAST let me come to work with you.” So it did, and it found ways to work. This was not without benefit, I must say. I have the collie to thank for my second designation, which allowed for more “creative work” (as far as public accounting goes). That energy also kept me seeking out other non-traditional opportunities at the office.
Thankfully, my place of work is very patient and quite collaborative!
Not all work is made equal
My border collie mind wasn’t always so well-behaved during office hours, though.
Despite all of the neat things that came out of it, we were still doing the work of… work. It was sort-of like repeating a training circuit over and over. My collie mind ended up tired, but still craving expansive fields and unstructured play. In the creative equivalent of chewing up the furniture, a destructive path ensued! There was a sort-of fixation, an entanglement, and a sense of hyper-vigilance – the work became personal, and of utmost importance.
As you can imagine (or perhaps you’ve experienced), too much focus on work causes work-life boundaries to crumble. It’s easy to start persistently people-pleasing and overworking until there’s really no room for anything else.
Despite being “at capacity” as we accountants like to say, that internal restlessness persisted. In hindsight, I like to think that the inner border collie knew what I didn’t: you can enjoy your work, but you still need to find purpose, meaning, and an identity outside of it.
The importance of differentiation
Who are you outside of work anyways, if there is no “outside”?
Without making space for self-expression, a slow burn went entirely unnoticed until I was thrust “outside” out of circumstance. (That is, I went on maternity leave!)
I finally had a some space to use my creative voice again, and I was ready to embrace it. The problem? It was gone!
In the process of trying to find it again, I recalled how prolific I was in a previous creative life. I’d launch into projects, publish, audition, all with reckless abandon. Where on Earth did that confidence and self-esteem go? I’d wager they were just casualties of the destructive path of that unchanneled creative energy.
So I was stuck with this inner border collie chewing up the furniture of my mind without a proper outlet because I had let this carry on to the point that I didn’t have a dream to pursue anymore.
What now?
Training class: the first steps on the road to healthy expulsion of energy
It’s tempting to cross your arms, shake your head and concede that you have a naughty dog and you’ll never be able to have nice things again. Maybe work is too stressful and I need a new job. Maybe I’m just not suited for this career in the first place. All possible, but all pretty drastic, and I wasn’t ready to phone it in.
What would we do for our border collie buddy in this metaphor? Maybe we’d theorize that the good ole’ training circuit only burns off a certain type of energy. Maybe he needs some new challenges. Of course, we don’t know exactly what kind of challenges yet.
I started to remember my creative roots. I knew I wanted to “find my passion” (such a buzzy phrase, but bear with me). To do that, I knew I’d have to redirect some energy there. This time, instead of trying to choose a passion project right away (I couldn’t, there wasn’t anything there), I started to carve out and prioritize some time to do some general exploration.
How do you do that?
You PLAY!
And if you’ve forgotten how to play, I would recommend just “trying stuff”. Brainstorm in a couple of areas:
- Things that sound like fun
- Things you’re curious about
Then it’s a matter of blocking an hour out for yourself. Either do the fun things, or follow your curiosity by reading about it, talking about it, watching a video on it, dabbling in it, or looking to take a class in it.
Even if nothing sticks, you’re still exercising – and learning about – your own inner creative collie. Productivity is not the point. Exploring your creativity is the point. And if you’re like me and feel like you’ve lost yourself to the daily grind, know you’re doing the worthwhile work of finding your voice again.
Field work: peaceful cohabitation with creativity
After the introduction of some consistent play time, much of that pent-up energy had finally been released. Our creative collie was feeling much better (and much less destructive). Since I’d stuck with it long enough, I started to notice patterns emerging! Those patterns told me where I really light up, and that was the direction to go in. We all want to light up, right?
Those became my passion projects and go-to hobbies.
It’s here that we settle in a bit, and (re)connect with what matters to us at a personal level. We discover our unique voice “outside” of the work that once consumed us. We nurture our passions. Expressed through all sorts of creative endeavours, we’re reminded that we are so much more than our job titles.
Now the challenge becomes a matter of maintenance – continuing to prioritize play to keep the creative collie content as we go about our regular business.
How it’s going (two years later)
So far I’m enjoying blogging as one consistent “passion project” amidst many other explorations. (Edit from future me: two years later, writing is still my go-to hobby!) The goal is not so much your traditional “one post per week” or whatever the golden standard is. It’s about showing up and continuing to do meaningful (to me) personal work. It has served as a wonderfully healthy redirection of creative energy.
Whether the blank pages of a sketchbook or the persistent presence of a digital platform (or a dance floor or an inspired kitchen or…), it’s nice to have the space available, beckoning to you to come and fill it. It’s not necessarily the product of the creative act that needs to be consistent. It’s the act of engaging in creative self-expression itself that keeps the border collie mind engaged and content.
With my furniture repaired and my energy redirected, I’m feeling a lot better! Me and my inner collie continue to learn to live harmoniously together.
When I originally wrote this post, I was weeks away from ending my second maternity leave. I knew I’d be put to the test, and so I was. I had wondered:
Will my inner creative collie be able to behave in our old office environment?
Will I be able to continue to provide it with the play it needs?
It turns out that the answer was yes to both. The blog (and the intention behind it) has been pure magic.
When I started it, I saw the blog as a kind-of insurance policy. I couldn’t just quit three posts in, right? No, I couldn’t, and I didn’t. I published my 36th post yesterday!
The blog has now become a major creative outlet, a space for reflection, and a continued passion project. Meanwhile, work and life has become more balanced than ever.
I can’t wait to see what the next year brings!
By the way, if your inbox could use a little creative play, you might enjoy my monthly newsletter! Sign up here, and we’ll connect soon.
